please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
