So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
