how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
