Where did you get a picture of my penis
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize