I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
