i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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