so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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