Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
