I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
