I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
