My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
