I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
