her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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