I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
