I think my vagina is haunted
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
