Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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