I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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