ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize