I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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