I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
