Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
