this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
