why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
