My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
