We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
