Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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