Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize