No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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