dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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