I heard we made out
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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