I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
