we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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