Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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