Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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