A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
