mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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