I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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