how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
