I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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