I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
