I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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