Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
