tell your sister to shave her snatch
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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