That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
