I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
