Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
