Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
pop tarts are not kleenex
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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