if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
