I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
