First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
