please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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