Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
