Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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