the condom got lost in my hair
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize