I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
