I'm eating all of the evidence.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize