the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
