Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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