My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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