I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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