Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
