Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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