3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
too bad you live with your parents still
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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