Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
