I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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