its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
