actually, I'm a sock model
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have tasted many bathrooms
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
