don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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