i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
