I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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