Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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