My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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