Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
