i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
