So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
