so that wasnt chicken after all
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
