I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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