Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
