Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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