yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk is not a location!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
