how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just high enough for therapy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
