We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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