Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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