I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize