why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
