and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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