Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
