Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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