She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
