I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
