Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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