dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize