wat bout pragnant strippers??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
