the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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