Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
