I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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