ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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