I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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