Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
