Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
