My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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