You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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