u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
