so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
