i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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