I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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