It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
