I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize