forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
