All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
