just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
