I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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