I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
