Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The best revenge is premature balding
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
